So it is that time I dread again - shopping time. I actually love buying things for the people I love, but I share in that disease called, "has to be perfect"...ism. My buying campaign is virtually the same every year. First, around mid-November, when my wife is usually getting warmed up in the gifting department, I must spend several weeks thinking, "It is way too early to shop. I'm just not going to do it. No way. Uh-uh. No." Then, sometime almost immediately following Thanksgiving, when I am still by and large still cursing the fact that Christmas seems to be assaulting us earlier every year - no mean feat for a holiday that is the same day every year - I start to worry that I have no idea what people need. Occasionally, this point comes before Thanksgiving, which is good, because it allows me to ask my family what they want. This, in turn, allows my family to begin to tell me that they don't really want anything. Of course, this process must be repeated at least three or four times before Christmas, so it is good to get it started early.
At any rate, things get really rolling along into the first or second week of December. That is when I make a list of everyone I think I might want to give something to, and the gift I want to give them. Now I know this sounds very organized of me, but the list usually reads like this: Mom - something to wear, maybe a sweater of some sort, Dad - Power tool?, Alecia - Something relaxing. As you can see, this list is only in the vaguest vicinity of helpful. However, it does do one essential thing for me - it brings on the panic. Once I have my list and have looked at it once or twice, I finally start to realize that I have to go and find these things. And with items like, "Something relaxing," the sooner I get started the better. So I go to the mall.
The mall is an essential stop in my pre-holiday shopping every year. All of those stores! All of those gifts! Surely the shopping stress will just drain away at the mall, and I will complete my Christmas shopping in a single record day. Right? Well, not exactly. I do get very excited about going to the mall early on in the season. And I do have all those same thoughts. But I have learned one thing year after year. My experience will not be as I expect. Rather it will go something like this.
Mall Circuit One - I will go in and out of any stores that seem likely to have a gift that someone on my list might want. I will not see anything. If I do, in fact, see something, I will tell myself that there is something better further along. There will not be. In the end, I will complete the first circuit having decided on nothing, purchased nothing.
Mall Circuit Two - This is the circuit where I get serious. I determine that I must go back to the stores where I have seen possibilities. I tell myself that I am not leaving the mall until I buy things for people, and can safely cross something off my list. I start out. I get distracted by stores that have nothing for others, but look like they would be a fun place to shop for myself. I pull myself back on track. I look at my watch - and note that it is dinner time.
Food Court Timeout - A long time ago, I decided that the only time I could afford to eat food at the mall food court, guilt free, was when doing shopping. After all, Christmas shopping is supposed to be a fun activity, even a joyous one. So what is more joyous than standing in a food court knowing that you can eat anything you want? I always take the food court timeout. It is never worth it. I console myself by telling myself how much exercise I am getting making multiple circuits around the mall.
Mall Circuit Three - Finally, I am ready to go back to shopping. It is around this time that I glance down at my watch. Since I habitually eat late, my food break probably comes rather late in the evening. After all, I've already had time to make a couple of passes at the stores. So when I glance at my watch, I am usually dismayed to find out that it is close to closing time. Bear in mind that this is early in the holiday season. Stores are hoarding up their extra hours at this point. In short, I don't have much time. So the third circuit suffers. It is not the leisurely circuit that one and two were. Instead it is a race against time and fatigue to get out of the mall with...at...least...one...purchase. I'm always successful in this, but somehow the jar of body lotion from Bath & Body Works is not what I had in mind when I wrote "Something relaxing" on my list.
The mall does help in one way. For some reason, I've noticed that until I make that trip, I cannot settle down and shop. It is like the mall is the Emerald City, and I have to go there to realize that it doesn't really have what I'm looking for. Once I go to the mall, the pure bubble of my expectations is popped, and I'm suddenly free to do some real shopping. I have to go to the mall, which I set up as the pinnacle of the shopping experience, and be left clutching that one sad little bag of lotion to realize that my gifts don't have to be perfect, they just have to be wrapped by December 24th.
I go though this every year, and every year I come up with thoughtful and interesting gifts that truly seem to make my loved ones happy. True, there have been times like the year I gave my mother a homemade gift certificate to a cooking class of her choice, and she never really had time to go. Or the year I promised my wife plantation shutters, and then never had a chance to get them and install them. (Note to self: it is tacky to give the plantation shutters again this year as a new gift...) But in the end, the gifts are there, and Christmas is always a great joy.
So here I am, just starting out again. One thing I forgot to mention above is the other thing I dread every year - getting asked what I want. My answer is always ready, "I really don't need anything," but somehow I always get asked to make a list anyway. It never really helps avoid the three more times I'll have to tell people that I really don't need anything, but it too is tradition. So below, I present my list. Enjoy it. Use it. In the meantime, I wonder how late the mall is open this weekend.
Jeff's Christmas List
- Shirts - button down and stylish
- Pants - brown, blue, or black (Size 38 waist, 32 height - a painful thing to post on the Internet)
- A 2008 Desk Calendar - Something funny - Dilbert usually works, but if there is another funny day-by-day calendar I'll take that. I need something funny at work most days.
- A 2008 Wall Calendar - I usually like either national park type scenery, city buildings, or something similar. No animals or people. Avoid the calendars of particular movies, like "The 2008 Harry Potter Calendar" or "The 2008 Lost Calendar". I don't like staring at those people all year. I did get a Star Wars calendar once that I was quite fond of, but it was not so much a picture of an actor each month, and more of cool scenes.
- An ITunes gift certificate - This is none too glamorous, but I do tend to go through them pretty fast.
- New belts - leather, I need brown and black. See pant sizes above, it was bad enough to write them out the first time.
- A new sweater - I've noticed several times I've been out in the past few weeks that men are going for the sweater look. I don't like the real thick sweaters (think wool), but a nice one to go with those new pants would be good.
- A season of Seinfeld _ I've only got seasons 1, 2, and 3.
- The first season of The West Wing - I got the second season a couple of years back.
- 1776: The Illustrated Editon - by David McCullough. I saw this in Barnes & Noble and it looked fascinating. It offers his source material alongside his text.
- A new winter coat - For our increasingly short, cold, brutal winters.
As everyone should know, I'll be happy if I get one of these things. I'll be happy if I get none of these things. I feel lucky enough to be able to say that I need nothing, and had the luxury to write down some things I thought would be fun. Happy Shopping!
No comments:
Post a Comment